Its a well known "fact" that Thanksgiving originated from the story of the Pilgrims being saved by Squanto, a Native American. However this is not the true origin of everyone's favorite munchies holiday. The real reason everyone gathers once a year to eat, smoke, and show off their new cheap glass bongs, pipes, rigs, and grinders has long been repressed by the same people who never wanted Thanksgiving aka Danksgiving to exist.... thats right.... The Puritans!!! BUM BUM BUMMMM *Dramitic music*.... The true story of Danksgiving began in 1614 just after a small pox epidemic, started by Puritan slavers, wiped out almost all Patuxet Indians, except Squanto. It just so happens that Squanto means "Green Thumbed" in Patuxet speak, and Squanto loved nothing more than to grow the plant of peace and pack it into his peace pipe. Soon the Pilgrims arrived to find Squanto and fields as far as the eye could see of peace plants. Squanto showed the Pilgrims how they could use the plants stalks to form fibers for clothing. He showed them how to grind the seeds to flower and press them for oil. The flowers Squanto would dry and cure and pack into his peace pipe. Squanto shared the peace pipe with the leaders of the Pilgrims who, after much laughter and snacking, decided that a feast must be held for all Pilgrims and Squanto to enjoy the peace plants flowers and the bounty it had brought forth for them................ Not long after this celebration the buzz kill Puritans showed up, busted Squanto and seized all his peace plants and declared them illegal. They destroyed Squanto's peace pipe for everyone to see. The Pilgrims that had enjoyed the Danksgiving feast wept, because they knew they would no longer be able to freely enjoy the peace flower that Squanto had blessed them with. They vowed to never forget Squanto, his peace pipe, or the beautiful dank peace flowers. They continued to gather every year to smoke and feast and show off their own peace pipes. Some grew their hair out and moved deep into the woods, becoming the first hippies, but that's another story all together.
This is why every year we gather for Thanksgiving aka Danksgiving to share a feast of epic proportions and to smoke out. We gather to tell tales and to show off our newest cheap glass bong. We pack our bowls, and heat our quartz nails and we give thanks for all the Dank and good friends.